Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Out of Control

You know how in 2006 and before that I struggled to take my medication and rarely did?

And how in 2007 I took every single dose I was supposed to.

Well, that med taking streak has been over for a while.  It stopped with a day when I thought I still had the pills to take but when a big part of me was going "uh, I think you already took them." and that was fine, i just got confused and it was safer not to take them.  I took them the next day.

Only, I've not taken them for four or five days now and it's second time (at least)  that I've gone that many days with no pills.

It really is no wonder that I feel like my weight is out of control, my house is a mess and i can't cope with it, my spasticity is ridiculous, stupid things are making me either anxious or angry.

It's really no wonder that I just feel out of control.

But, that said, I am thinking that the way forward for me might be for the drugs to be reduced and then slowly removed.  Because a big part of me now looks back and sees where I was and where I am now.  And thinks that maybe the problem with my struggling without them now is the guilt.  Is the knowing that I should have taken them and yet I haven't.  I'm not really sure I need the drugs any more other than as a "mental comfort"/support thing.

It wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't work.  There'll always be prozac in the world if I need it.  But right now I think that maybe I don't, any more.


sarah said...

speak to your doctor emma.

Ableize - Disabled Resources said...

Its always a good thing if you can do without pumping drugs into your body, stopping then overnight after a long period is not good though so your idea of weening yourself off them might be an idea, that we get get to see slight changes not big ones that could make you worse.

Like Sara said, chat to your Doc.


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