Still battling

I thought I had this medication taking lark down. I have struggled with it a lot and it's still something of a struggle for me but having reached this far into the year without missing a single dose of my baclofen or my fluoxetine I had it down and it wasn't such a big deal as it was previously.

I'm not seeing my counselor any more but she rings me every month or so just to touch base. And she called me Wednesday.

She asked about how I'm managing my pills and I said fine, haven't missed a single dose this year. And she asked if I was still rewarding myself.

I rewarded myself after one week, one month, six weeks etc of no missed meds. The last reward I gave myself was at the end of June for six months - my Grey's Anatomy Season Two box set.

I haven't had one since and haven't planned one. I told her that and she asked why. It wasn't a big deal anymore, I replied.

Of course she didn't let me get away with that answer and asked "is it really."

I thought about it properly then. And I had thought I had it down but then again I'm taking Cefalexin this week for an ear infection and I'm really struggling to take those. In part, I think, because I was told I didn't need them and then told I did. I don't actually think my GP would have given them to me, the nurse just Rx'd them based on what I've had previously. I am taking them but I'm struggling. Possibly because the cream Rx'd has zapped the irritated sore itch I had (it's Otitis Externa - sort of like mildly infected eczema) and I feel well.

Last night I was changing for bed and had put a glass of water on my desk for med taking once I was ready.

I went into the bathroom and finished getting ready, checked the door was properly looked and flicked the switch to charge my powerchair.

And completely forgot to take my meds.

I swear I'd been lying in bed for a good ten minutes, knowing i'd forgotten something but not what. Then I realised, Meds. and got up to take them.

That's a huge change for me - a sign of how much I still need to focus and work on med taking and on how far I've come - this time last year the realisation would have been accompanied by the feeling of "oh well, i can't be fucked to take them now".

Much like last nights second realisation - that I hadn't put the rubbish out - was.

The other thing I talked about briefly with Bobby was how much things have changed for me this year. I described it as simply unbelievable.

And it is.