In hospitals they say you know, you know when you are going to die. Some doctors say it's a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there's a scent, a smell of death, some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. Whatever it is, it's creepy. Because if you know, what do you do about it? Forget about the fact that you're scared out of your mind. If you knew this was your last day on earth, how would you want to spend it?
~Meredith Grey, The End of The World, [Grey's Anatomy, Season Two]
I've been thinking a lot this week about that and also what I would want to do if I knew that one specific time I saw someone would be the last time I saw them. If I knew they were going to die and I would never see them again.
Obviously I'd never want to leave and for that "last time" to be over and also obviously I could never know for definite that it would be the last time.
I've written and deleted a lot more on this but the truth of the matter is that it all basically boils down to two things.
Carpe Diem - Seize the Day
And also it doesn't matter if you know - and personally i've decided that I might have done things differently the last time I saw people I loved but they wouldn't have wanted that. It would be an act of grief and in a way, grief is a very selfish thing, in lots of circumstances.