Yesterday I had a job interview for the first position I applied for. The interview itself went well but I didn't get the job. I was actually expecting that because there were some obvious access issues (but ones that would be easily sorted) and they asked a bit of a weird CP related question to do with the access.
I just got the vibe that it wasn't going to happen and although I was told over the phone that it was a case of more experience and more relevant experience determining who got the post deep down I believe my CP ruled me out. I asked for, and received, some feedback on my performance. She said I did well and sold myself but the rest of her feedback made no sense to me and so I was back to my cynical cp related belief.
I will never know for sure and it's not a healthy thing to get caught up on so I'm trying to leave that behind and view it as a good thing - I went in knowing that it would be OK I would either get the job or have had the experience. And I've had the experience so now I'm trying to get back to that belief.
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them. (Louisa May Alcott)
My relatively new friend Mary sent me that quote in response to my comment in an e-mail (the night before the interview) that in times of stress my confidence, strength and belief in myself tend to desert me.
And my friend Joan who I volunteer with at CAB sent me the nicest e-mail when I sent her one saying I didn't get the job.
Yes, right now I do feel like crying. But that's not because I didn't get the job. I'm completely fine with that - a bit sad but OK and hey at least now the people involved in that job will be aware of the schemes in place to support disabled people in work (my disability employment adviser sent them some info).
No... I am all tearful because I am so touched by the people who surrounded me. Who are so amazingly kind and who find the words and the strength to hold me up and keep me going when I can't do it myself.
(comments are off on this post as I do not want to be commiserated with about the job)