It's been one week since Gran died... a long week and one that, in many ways, feels a lot longer than it really is. Her funeral (oh how typing those words hurt!) is on Tuesday and it is my intention to be away from t'internet for a few days and have some time for me. I think I need it. Sometime away form my mind numbing time fillers to do something constructive is probably going to be a very good thing for me at this point in time. I last deliberately took time to myself in April and it was wonderful... time to do it again me thinks.
The funeral is going to be a very very long day both literally and figuratively but we will make the best of it as we must. For Gran deserves nothing more than a send off that sums up "her" so much and does her justice. I'm going to do all I can to give her a final goodbye in the honour and style she lived her life.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to my parents house and I'm going to write a card to go with the flowers. I've been racking my brains for the past couple of days for something appropriate and meaningful yet not cliche and trite to put. I think I have it but that's private and I don't want to share... I'm still trying to decide for sure and hoping that some guidance will come which shows me the correct words. Of course whatever I write will be right and correct and really I shouldn't worry too much. It's just one of the very last things I will ever do for her and I feel I have go to do my all to do very best.
So, yeah... the funeral and some downtime.
I've used this metaphor before but it's the one that works best for me right now... I feel like a packet of tesco value 14p dried spaghetti. Brittle and hard and easily shattered before it's been cooked and then after limp and sticky and sloppy and you can't do anything with it, all it does it slide all over the place. I'm wavering between both of those states right now - just like Spaghetti.
It is not, however, anything that Gran would want me to be. And so my downtime. Hopefully I can come back a bit more like Emma and less like spaghetti.