This entry of Soph's had me in tears.
Big, big sobby tears. Cry so hard you can't breathe out of your nose, your eyes sting and you can't see tears. Noisy tears. It's hurts and it's not fair tears. Make it stop, take it away tears.
And yet somehow cleansing tears.
I've cried myself out now (I think) but its left me with a revelation.
It hurts because I loved Nanny so, so much and she is gone (oh how I hate typing those three words). The only way to take away the hurt would be to change things so she hadn't died or to change my love for her.
As I wrote in the Letter Unsent to her, I could never wish she hadn't died. And I am the person I am because of her. Because of the love we shared and the way we touched each others lives. I loved her. That's why it hurts.
And love is one of the most important things in the world. Which makes it ok to Cry and to miss her.
As long as we live too. And as long as we remember that everybody hurts at times and that together we can get through.
Because the best way to honour and to remember those who have gone on before us is to seize our lives, and to be able to say at the end of our lives - "I did it my way."
When your day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts, sometimes ...
Sometimes everything is wrong,
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
no, no, no, you're not alone
If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
of this life, to hang on
Well everybody hurts,
sometimes, everybody cries,
And everybody hurts ...
But everybody hurts sometimes
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
You're not alone
REM - Everybody Hurts