I've sadly come to the decision not to take part in Race for Life next weekend. I'm disappointed by that decision (partially because it feels sort of though I am letting the depression - which isn't great at the moment - win) but it's the right one.
I've done very little training and haven't covered much distance in what I have done. The weather has played a part in that but so has my depression which is why it sort of feels like it's winning by my choosing not to participate.
But I also know that with the little training I have done coupled with the fact that RfL in Oxford is not on an easy wheelable surface means that potentially (particuarly if they current hot weather continues) I would just be putting myself at high risk of falling out of my chair or otherwise injuring myself. It's not worth it for something that's meant to be fun - and that is a goal I achieved last year. I don't want to say been there, done that... but I sort of am.
I keep thinking I probably could do it but... I know if I went and struggled I wouldn't give up and that would be bad. And the distance would be fine without the training on decent wheeling surfaces or the crappy wheeling surface would be fine for a lot shorter distance - the zoo yesterday was similar and I did just cope.
A couple of weeks ago at the regatta that (for me at least) wasn't Geoff Holt came and did a talk - I wrote about it briefly already. One of the things he said really struck a cord with me. I can't remember exact words but the gist is that sometimes the bravest, best thing you can do is weigh up a situatio, realise it's too much and decide not to continue.
And hard as it is, that's what I'm doing.