Sunday, 31 May 2009

Hard but Right

I've sadly come to the decision not to take part in Race for Life next weekend.  I'm disappointed by that decision (partially because it feels sort of though I am letting the depression - which isn't great at the moment - win) but it's the right one.

I've done very little training and haven't covered much distance in what I have done.  The weather has played a part in that but so has my depression which is why it sort of feels like it's winning by my choosing not to participate.  

But I also know that with the little training I have done coupled with the fact that RfL in Oxford is not on an easy wheelable surface means that potentially (particuarly if they current hot weather continues) I would just be putting myself at high risk of falling out of my chair or otherwise injuring myself.  It's not worth it for something that's meant to be fun - and that is a goal I achieved last year.  I don't want to say been there, done that... but I sort of am.

I keep thinking I probably could do it but... I know if I went and struggled I wouldn't give up and that would be bad.  And the distance would be fine without the training on decent wheeling surfaces or the crappy wheeling surface would be fine for a lot shorter distance - the zoo yesterday was similar and I did just cope.

A couple of weeks ago at the regatta that (for me at least) wasn't Geoff Holt came and did a talk - I wrote about it briefly already.  One of the things he said really struck a cord with me.  I can't remember exact words but the gist is that sometimes the bravest, best thing you can do is weigh up a situatio, realise it's too much and decide not to continue.

And hard as it is, that's what I'm doing.

1 comment:

The Goldfish said...

I'm sorry you've had to withdraw from this, but I does sound like the right thing to do. I think if you did it and hurt yourself, or got ill in the heat, then it would be far more humiliating - and dangerous. Generally, it is better to try and risk failure than not try at all, but when it comes to significant physical feat like this, the risks outweigh all possible benefits.

It doesn't sound like your decision has anything to do with the depression, except that worrying about the issue won't help. I hope things get a little easier for you soon.

If this was something you really wanted to do, you might consider doing another sponsored run of some sort later in the year, then training yourself up for that.


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