The next Disability Blog Carnival has the theme "things that are therapeutic for you".
I thought about many things when I saw that topic.
I thought about how I spent well over a year in counselling. And how part of me would like to go back to it again. I sort of miss that "safe space" feeling of being about to talk about whatever I want, say anything and not have to worry about what people think or hurting people because of it. The fact that counselling also helps to find other perspectives and ways of thinking about things is also great. I have a lot I'd like to get off of my chest if I did got back to counselling... but whilst I do miss the "safe space" aspect I don't think I actually need full blow counselling again like I had before.
For a long time blogging offered me that safe space, but when I made the decision to be open and fully identifiable on my blog I lost that opportunity. I've gained so much more from that decision but with several friends and family members (as well as online friends) reading this... the social niceties and boundaries are there subconsciously again.
And I do have people I can say these things to... different people for different things and I'm not always fantastic at that, saying things then thinking maybe I shouldn't have much more often than I would like. But also much less often than I used too.
That's the beauty of a counsellor. They don't judge, they aren't someone you work with, or knows you or is related to you or a friend. They are just there to provide a listening in... safe space.
Considering I didn't plan to write much about counselling, I've actually written a lot. And I've deleted a lot from this post too because I want to post this but am so frustrated with blogging right now and I don't want to deal with the reaction the other stuff I wrote about counselling would probably get.
Other things I find therapeutic that I considered writing a whole post about were things like knitting and reading and swimming - things where i can just lose myself in the rythm of them and I don;'t have to think if I don't want to but it also frees my mind to be achieving stuff and thinking about others if I want. Mindless and repetitive but with an obvious end result. I used to have really down days when I'd say to my counsellor all I can manage is to lose myself in a book and she said to me more than once that to be able to concentrate on a book is huge. So I don't beat myself up about that as much. Those things are great distractions (all of them not just reading) when I'm feeling down as they take me away from my thoughts and feelings but don't need much mental effort.
But I don;'t just love those things for that, I love them for so much more.
And for a long time I would have listed this blog as therapeutic for me... but as I said above I'm finding it a huge source of frustration this week (well, the last few weeks but especially this week). For the time being I'm still blogging because I want to complete NaBloPoMo.