Sunday, 12 October 2008

Cutting Out, Gone.

One thing we all have to do sometimes is let people go.  Because we're moving on or because they are.  Or just because of drifting apart.  It's something that happens.  There's always the hard times too.  The times when you realise that someone isn't good for you (or that they are bad for you, the two are not the same).  That's the toughest one.

In fact that sort of decision isn't easy.  It never is.

Something which isn't necessarily obvious is that when you are disabled it can be a lot harder to deal with.  For some people it's because they are isolated, maybe they don't have many friend who will look beyond and accomodate them and their different life.  That's definitely something I've experienced several times over the years.  Or it's maybe because they don't feel worthy of "better friends" or being treated well or whatever.  I wouldn't say that specific situation is one I have experienced exactly but I do know the feeling that you aren't worth something.

The scenario I find myself in at the moment, however, is where someone comes into your life in some form of professional capacity.  In this case, I have had some different carers lately and am determined that at least one cannot be sent back to me.  I felt patronised by her and treated like a child.  Also she made several very stupid comments.  The thing that is most important however, is how she made me feel.  

I've recently been struggling a lot w/ depression and over the last week or so have been becoming reacquainted with my old friend, Fluoxetine after four months when we not "togehter".  I'm feeling a hell of a lot better.  But over the last couple of days since that carers visits?  Talk about a trigger.  I'm struggling again.  For my own health and well being I cannot have someone like that in my life.

So I must ask my care agency not to send her again.  And I will.

But that isn't the end of it.  Because they will probably ask why.  Then make comments about it "not being like her." (Do I look like I give a shit what she's like with anyone else?! No?!  Funny That)  They might surprise me for all I know but that's what happened previously.

When it's a carer who is "bad for me" that's one thing, that can be dealt with.  Maybe not as easily as with a friend or acquaintance but its definitely doable.

But when it's a professional in some other capacity (or a carer for some other agencies - one of the ones I used at uni springs to mind).  It's not usually possible.  And that sucks.

Another case of put up and shut up and the disabled being treated badly in those circumstances.

1 comment:

Diane J Standiford said...

I have had some of the worst caregivers. I would enter mine in a contest against any others. LOL One I told to leave. "My time is not up. Where will I go?" "I don't care WHERE you go, but it will not be HERE." I must have fired at least a dozen in a year. Im sure I was considered the bad seed. (The one I threw out had been gone TWO HOURS shopping for food for me one level below where I live, returned with TWO bags, so excited to show me her purchases of CANDLES on sale 1/2 off! I was furious. It is hard, scary (will the next one be worse?) but I am lucky to live in a big city so there are many options. But new ones are exhausting; I'm better off sleeping until my mate comes home from work. (One carer almost dropped me in the tub, after soaping me up too much.) Grrrr

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