It's weird how the smallest things can just make you react. And then afterwards you (or I in this case) stop and think and wonder just what it is that made you react that way. Especially when there was no need to in the first place nor any sign that there might be.
When I got off of the train in Oxford today, Julie asked if she could have a word.
And that was it. I started panicing. As I was wandering over the platform and through the barriers, accross the concourse and outside the door where we stopped to chat I was thinking "oh my god what have I done wrong." "Argh I hope she isn't too mad with me." "I'm gonna start crying if this is a big deal" "argh argh argh".
It was nothing of the sort (she'd heard I'd been upset a few weeks ago and wanted to know if I was ok). I'd had nothing to worry about but as soon as she "wanted a word." I panicked. It's not the first time over the last few months that someone has said they need to talk to me or some such and I've reacted like that. I don't really understand why I do it but it seems it's some sort of inbuilt thing, part of what makes me "Emma".
Something that needs to stop.