I went shopping in Reading today. And I only came back with the things I went to get. I came home, called both of my siblings separately, lay on my bed, read for a while. Messed around online, made dinner. Developed a headache. Drank a load of diet coke. Started a knitting project, watched Doctor Who whilst eating my dinner. And then I popped out for some fresh air. A normal day. Nothing significant, nothing major.
I stopped at the garage to get some chocolate and was idly wandering debating if I'd rather have biscuits (answer: yes if they'd had the ones I wanted). Then I saw the box of chocolate snowballs.
and *bang* it hit me like a wave.
Thoughts of Stevie.
Memory is both a wonderous and strange thing all at once. Something i'm thankful I have but which at times hurts just the same. I know someone with short term memory loss and there is no doubting that it's nasty and causing problems. And I know I'm lucky to have my memories, I cherish them.
But the memories came and... Grief, once again.
Today I can sit here (and I did, wandering home) and think "this time last year he was here." tomorrow I can/could do the same. But Monday... Monday marks one year.
Tomorrow is my sister's birthday, Monday is my Mum's birthday as well as being Stevie's anniversary. I hope we can find some joy amongst our tears and sadness.
In the meantime I sit here remembering my dear, dear friend and marveling about the affect seeing one little packet of a snack food I don't even like (and which I'm not sure he did) can make me think and remember and feel.