I hate February. I have done for a long time. But this year I was determined that "February is Fab" and I would do loads of fun things. So far, however, not so much.
The Lion King on Sunday was absolutely amazing and it was really fun to see Trudi and go out to eat and catch up. And I always like a wander around London, particularly the bit we were in. We were headed back to the station about six ish and I have to say the sky line in the dark was spectacular as always.
It could have been a wonderful day.
It was a wonderful day.
But I hate the fact that I had to wait 15 minutes for help off of the train and I got freaked out about the possibility of ending up in the wrong place.
And I hate the fact that the person sat behind me in the theatre found it appropriate to moan at me that my wheelchair blocked her view and then to huff at me when I said that I wasn't going to go sit in the aisle. I paid for that wheelchair space, I bloody well was gonna sit in it.
And I really, really hate that it took me finding that man collasped on the ground and kicking up the biggest fuss ever before he got any help. I can't really describe how absolutely bloody terrifying that was. I'm glad I found him and eventually managed to get him help; he'd been there an hour by the time I found him. But I'm still freaked out about it now.
Most of all I hate the fact that, as great as the day was, as great as The Lion King was, no matter how much I adored the costumes and was blown away by the music - all of that, all of that wonderful stuff. Is almost overshadowed, hidden even by all the disability related crap and scary stuff that happened.
I've been ill since Tuesday night. I think it's to do with how stressed out I got Sunday/Monday.
I don't hate my CP; I never could.
But for the love of GOD, people, why can't I have a grand day out doing something I've wanted to do for years (as this was) and just be normal. The problem is society. And always has been. Disphobia, a lack of responsibility and ableism.
So thank you, society in general and staff of Waterloo train station in particular, for overshadowing my trip to the theatrre. And for making scaring me, making me ill.
Last Sunday was the worst society hates disability day I've had if not forever than for probably at least in the last five years. I have to try to leave my anxiety behind now, try to stop feeling nauseaous. It's not easy.
But I have to try. They ruined my week, I'm not gonna let them ruin any more.