Thinking

I've been thinking a lot about perspective lately.  It's been coming into a lot of things and I was going to write an entry about it.   But it's been coming into so many things that I no longer think I can write an entry about it.  If I'm going to do it justice it's going to have to be a series of entries.

A lot of things come down to perspective in the end; I'm only just realising just how many.

And also another thing that has been consuming my thoughts (although this time only since yesterday) is the concept of honesty.   As a society it seems that we aren't very honest any more; that we are encouraged and even expected to hide our thoughts and feelings, even hide who we truly are.

That's not what I am.  It's what I used to be until I was 20 or so but not any more.  Or at least, not most of the time.  It was worse up until I hit 16 but it took until 20 to truly leave me.

This week a lot of it's been back with me.  Because I saw, and spent a couple of hours with, a person I've not seen since then - a former teacher of mine.  And some how, for some reason as soon as I was with her I was that downtrodden shy 16 year old once again. It's not something she said or did, it just happened.  I'm not sure where the confident, mouthy, loud almost 26 year old has gone but she's been MIA ever since.

I keep seeming glimpses of her briefly but then 16 year old who lacked confidence and didn't know how to share her opinion or put herself first comes back.   Hopefully confident, outgoing, mouthy Em will return soon.

Because this sucks.