Well I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and he pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Well your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips you drew the hallelujah
Well baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor, you know,
I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold, it's a broken hallelujah
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
I remember when I moved in you
And the Holy Dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
Maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
This is probably going to be the first of several "songs of my life" entries written this week as I have a couple of other songs I want to put here. And also it stops me having to write about how I'm feeling mentally/emotionally right now (not good).
I love this song. I loved the Rufus Wainright version of this song (from Shrek) when I first heard it but then I heard this version a few weeks ago and it moved me even more. I love it.
Mostly I just love the slow quiet peaceful feel it has. It's calming, healing almost. And with my head a mess of thoughts and emotions, with my demon resurfacing once again, it is welcome. It soothes me when my soul is troubled as it has been all too often just lately. I don't know if it's the words or even the message - but it's definitely the melody. and it's definitely all those things mixed together to form a whole that is greater than it's parts.
I've never been diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder and I don't think that I have it to it's true extent. But it's certainly true that I struggle big style at this time of year. I never noticed it before I went to uni and I used to think it came down to getting used to new carers, new housemates and new classes at this time of the year with the start of a new semester at the beginning of October. Now however I can't help thinking that definitely did play a part (because I am struggling more this year than last due to the drastic change in my support situation), the light and the lack of it as well as the cold weather, crisp breezes and icy paths played the biggest part.
It's tough right now.
But I keep going. Safe in the knowledge that I have sixteen more doses of medication to take this year - and then I won't have missed a single dose in 2007.
I am making progress and leaving my demons mostly in my past. It just doesn't feel like it all the time.