A few people have asked me if my holiday was "mixed" and unfortunately they would be right. Several people have also asked if I went aloft again. And the answer to that would be no. The two are related.
Basically the very short version is that I was told that my having gone on the JST trip wasn't a good idea and that I am too fat to go on another without losing weight. Because of my weight, I wasn't allowed to go aloft.
JST have a weight limit of 16st (14lb to a st and 2.2lb to a kilo). I might be big but I AM under that limit. I would say that before I went away I weighed 13st but as I can't stand on the scales unsupported it's not beyond the realms of possibility that I could weigh maybe 10lb more than that. So I'm easily 2st under the limit.
I don't deny that I'm a fat girl... but I'm not stupid no matter what they think.
It's a lot more involved than that but I don't want to get into it. Suffice it to say that the majority of the discussion took place right after I'd been seasick all over myself and before I'd had a chance to clean up.
It could have been a very useful conversation for me to have had if it had been handled differently. As it was I cried and was told to stop crying because I'd was on the boat and I'd nearly been made to leave. Someone else actually was made to leave, probably due to his weight.
I am feeling really down about my weight now and blah and I haven't dared brave the scales since I came back.
I came back from my previous JST voyage full of confidence and happy and having had a great time. I came back from this one having enjoyed it for the most part and having a good time. But knowing that all I am and perhaps all I will ever be is a stupid fat girl.
I don't really know where I go from here.