Monday, 2 July 2007

Stupid Fat Girl

A few people have asked me if my holiday was "mixed" and unfortunately they would be right. Several people have also asked if I went aloft again. And the answer to that would be no. The two are related.

Basically the very short version is that I was told that my having gone on the JST trip wasn't a good idea and that I am too fat to go on another without losing weight. Because of my weight, I wasn't allowed to go aloft.

JST have a weight limit of 16st (14lb to a st and 2.2lb to a kilo). I might be big but I AM under that limit. I would say that before I went away I weighed 13st but as I can't stand on the scales unsupported it's not beyond the realms of possibility that I could weigh maybe 10lb more than that. So I'm easily 2st under the limit.

I don't deny that I'm a fat girl... but I'm not stupid no matter what they think.

It's a lot more involved than that but I don't want to get into it. Suffice it to say that the majority of the discussion took place right after I'd been seasick all over myself and before I'd had a chance to clean up.

It could have been a very useful conversation for me to have had if it had been handled differently. As it was I cried and was told to stop crying because I'd was on the boat and I'd nearly been made to leave. Someone else actually was made to leave, probably due to his weight.

I am feeling really down about my weight now and blah and I haven't dared brave the scales since I came back.

I came back from my previous JST voyage full of confidence and happy and having had a great time. I came back from this one having enjoyed it for the most part and having a good time. But knowing that all I am and perhaps all I will ever be is a stupid fat girl.

I don't really know where I go from here.

7 comments:

Sair said...

you keep living your life and forget about the stupid woman! big hugs! x

pelf said...

Off-topic.
But Em, can I have your email address, please?
Thanks in advance! :)

Denise said...

Please do not give up on yourself, there is a winner inside of you. The weight will come off, hang in there cutie.

Jessie said...

Hang in there! Sending you great big cyber (((HUGS))). You are definitely NOT stupid. The weight will start to fall off. Don't give up. You can do this!!

MamaBearJune said...

I am so sorry you had an encounter with such an insensitive idiot. There are some other words I have for her, but I try not to curse online! :-P You are a precious creation of God and He loves you and looks at your heart. There are ugly things in the heart of the idiot. I guess I should be praying for HER! Never let "stupid" or "fat" be your labels. They are not who you are. Sending hugs and prayers from Colorado.

Jacqui's Mum in Aus said...

Emma,
As one who has been to sea many thousands of times, but never in a sailing ship, I can tell you that I really understand sea sickness and so should have ALL of the crew. It really does feel like you just want to curl up and die. But I really admire your efforts because just walking on a boat can be hard, but in a wheelchair??? BRAVO!
As for the weight issue, I have looked at your photos and yes, you are a big girl, but you are not what I would call fat. Give yourself time and you can get back to your diet. It was working for you before and I am sure it will again.

Soph said...

em! uv got an unfair advantage over soooo many other dieters, your very own personal nutritionist! well i suppose a third of a nutritionist being as i have 2 more years to go yet but still a nutritionist! so use me#! xxx love u lots xxx

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