Friday, 8 June 2007

Kinda Meh and Bitchy

I feel kinda meh and bitchy today. I've been surfing Facebook and thinking everyone else has a better life than me and I've been reading blogs and not able to leave comments because most of the ones I want to leave are not the supportive friendly ones but the "welcome to my world, now you know what it's like" ones. And I could cheerfully have killed someone earlier for moving my chair with the brakes on - when I'd only had them tightened an hour earlier. I just let them do it tho.

My counsellor talks about how I will never not have bad days because they are a normal part of life. But I can't remember what it's like to have a down day that's "normal". I don't know how to tell if I'm having an "average" down day and a depression down day. What I do know is that feeling like this makes me want stronger meds, better meds. Kick depression in the ass meds. I don't think I actually need them tho.

I think when I'm down below 12st in weight I will talk to Dr B about weaning off of baclofen. I am determined to see this year out without missing a single dose of fluoxetine because I know it does me good. But I've been on baclofen nearly two and a half years and I have some concerns about it long term as well as not being sure of the level of efficiency/accuracy it still has.

I've stopped taking all of my supplements because I want to stop overloading my liver and other systems. But I think I will resume the evening primrose oil when I come back from my tour of the UK (and hopefully Ireland).

Trying to get as much of my stuff I need to do "at some point soon" done before I go away - possibly part of what caused my meh and bitchiness of today, overloading myself a bit.

In good news however I did notice something really great about how I look now I've lost weight. Part of me that was hidden by fat is getting to be visible. But that's all I'm telling you ;o)


Sair said...

facebook does indeed have the power to make you feel down, mind you so do blogs. i think it's because you're watching from a window, looking in on a picture without the sound. all you can hear is the traffic and rain on your side.

the other thing about online ness is that people can show the side they want to show.

have you watched "how to look good naked" if not, there are some truly gorgeous women on there who have REALLY bad self image... so you may see a pretty woman, doesn't mean she feels it.

it IS impossible to not feel the shit stuff, if you're wanting to feel the highs too. in fact there are some truly big time shitty days in "normal" down days too.

big hugs,
a week away with the wind in your face, lovely people... sounds like it's a well needed holiday!

Becki said...'re it!

Jacqui said...

I don't know what facebook is and it sounds like that may be a good thing. Sounds like you are going great with your weight loss but I must admit that we are on metric so the numbers are a bit strange to me (thank god for widgets). Hope things look up for tomorrow and you have a normal day.



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