Three little white tablets lie on my computer desk to the left of my keyboard. Their very presence taunts me.
They are my baclofen, my muscle relaxant. The medication that is supposed to reduce my spasticity and with it my pain whilst also making it easier to move. The medication that isn't working for me as well as it was.
Two off yellow and green capsules lay next to their white companions too for a while. For I am a Prozac Princess. But they met with their dear friend 7UP Free who lives in the clear blue tumbler next door and went off hand in hand on their magical journey into my mouth and down my throat to my stomach where they release their goodness and mess around with the level of Serotonin in my brain.
Everyday for the last 61 days two of my friends Fluoxetine or my dear pals Prozac have made that journey and my life has been enriched for it. It hasn't been an easy thing to do and I am amazed that we've been "going steady" this long when we have had such an on again, off again stormy relationship filled with hatred. It's still hard to remain faithful to my dear pal but I'm doing.
But still my free little white acquaintances lie there on the desk. I have an even bigger issue with our relationship. It's one I would gladly do without but that I know I can't. Baclofen and I truly are co-dependant. And if I took those pills it would mean that I would have 61 days of commitment to my baclofen and be 61 days closer to ending that co-dependancy. It's something I could be proud of.
Yet they still lie there as they have for half an hour.
Enough, take them already.
Three tiny, tiny white tablets washed down in one go with a mouthful of the yummy 7Up free.
10 seconds work - easy as anything. forty minutes agonising and worrying and fighting against them. What a waste.
I might hate the damn tablets but I hate the battle I have to take them even more.
I am thankful that Prozac and I are now such good pals that I no longer have that mental battle to fight to take those too.