One More Day... A letter which sadly, oh so sadly, must remain unsent

Dear Nanny,

A year is a long, long, long time. Yet in other ways it seems as though mere minutes have passed instead of 365 long and lonely days since you left us. Tomorrow is a year and however much I might wish I could change that fact I can't.

So long since I hugged you close and said "love you lots" as I left your house or as we hung up the phone. So long since I asked you how you were you and answered "I am, are you?" So long since you came to mums house for lunch and said "oh Jane..." when you saw how much she'd given you. You'd cover it in salt, pepper and mustard, eat all you wanted and save the rest for "my mate" aka Milo, our dog.

A year since Wednesday's meant finishing work then either going to Smarts for fish and chips to take to your house for lunch or meeting you at the pub. We'd play cards more often then not after lunch or you'd have a magazine to lend me. Magazine's always lived underneath the seat cushions on the sofa and your chairs. I never did learn why. Sometimes Sophie would bring Milo down for a cup of tea and he'd always go straight into the kitchen because he knew if he did you'd find him a biscuit. You'd say "hello fella" and stroke his muzzle. Every few minutes you'd be asking Soph "does he want to do a tinkle?" I can hear you as if it were yesterday not a year ago.

A year or more since we last went shopping and I helped you on your eternal quest for a pair of Brown shoes. You never did find that perfect pair, did you?

I hope wherever you are now you're sat there in the comfiest chair ever with just the right ones on your feet, a roast beef dinner, glass of lemon barley, liquorice allsorts and a cup of tea for afters. Reading the latest Danielle Steel and shouting at the TV when you don't agree with it.

It's been quite a year for me too, Nanny, I know that you know that but I'd like to tell you anyway...

I have my perfect dream flat, I moved in in December. You would love it, it's close to town, to CAB, the station and to mums. And it's only five minutes from your house. I don't walk past your house if I can help it, it hurts too much.

My work with CAB is going well, I advised a client for the first time the day before you died and how I wish I could have told you about it. That one was really hard and the first few were but I think I know what I'm doing now... one lady was so happy about what I did for her she brought me a thank you card and a box of thorntons chocolates. They give me more responsibility there now. I love it. I helped at an Age Concern information fayre a few weeks ago, running the CAB stall. I saw your neighbour Mary there and she spent ages going on to Audrey who was running the stall with me about how great you were and how much mum helped her taking her to tescos at the same time as you. She was talking about when she went to Skye with you. I'd forgotten about that. Mary held my hands as we talked, gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was nice but I'd rather have had a hug from you.

The article I wrote for Skill was reprinted, you knew it was going to be but I wish you could have seen it. I'm contributing to another article at the moment about post uni options for disabled people.

I loved you dearly, Nanny, I still do. More then I could possibly say. I could never wish you hadn't died because I know how poorly you were and that as much as your death hurt us it was most likely a blessing to you. I know this letter might make it seem that this past year has been all bad. It's been pretty good. But much as I know it's not possible, you could have made it better.

You know me, Nanny, I love quotes and poems and song lyrics.

And I found one that says what I do wish for better than I ever could.

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you.

Chorus:
One more day
One more touch
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.

One more day.

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you.

Chorus:
One more day
One more touch
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.

Chorus:
One more day
One more touch
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day.

Leave me wishing still for one more day.
Leave me wishing still for one more day,
With you.

One more day.
One more day...

Diamond Rio - One More Day

Love you Nanny, Lots and Lots and Lots and Lots and Lots and Lots and Lots and then Lots more than that,

Emma x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xxx x x x x x x x x x x x x